In class on Monday afternoon, we talked about the importance of creating intimacy as a key role for the pastor. The fact that most people hear intimacy and usually think only – or mainly – about sexual activity reveals an underlying struggle in the battle to foster intimacy with those to whom we minister.
We live in a world where intimacy has been redefined to the point where many people struggle to understand what intimacy is really supposed to look like. Over the last 100 years, our society has changed significantly, both for the better and the worse. While I acknowledge many benefits from our “advancements” over the last century, I want to focus in this post on some of the things that have been lost.
The advancements in technology have significantly changed the way we communicate. A little over 100 years ago, you basically had two ways to communicate. You could talk face to face with someone or send them a letter. Today, we can call, Skype, text, email, and use a variety of other methods of communication. With social media websites like Facebook, we are able to maintain “friendships” with thousands of people. While there are benefits to these changes, there is a significant downside that we often fail to recognize, or at least acknowledge. One of the casualties resulting from this myriad of communication options is the lack of depth in most relationships. While many people have a lot more “friends” thanks to Facebook, few – if any – of those relationships develop to the point of real intimacy. I may know what musicians hundreds of people like. I may get to see their pictures from a sporting event or read a catchy quote from the book they are reading. But do I really know them?
Study after study shows that while this generation of young people is the most connected in history, this same generation experiences levels of loneliness, depression, and abandonment that have never been seen before. We know more (people), but we know less. Our relationships have become much more shallow. When friends communicate mostly though texting and messages, they lose the ability to see one another’s expressions, read body language, and build the level of intimacy that only comes through spending time in one another’s presence.
Is it any wonder that more and more people feel disconnected from God and have a hard time developing a deeper relationship with God? The Bible is not a catalogue of text messages. The Holy Spirit seeks more than an occasional status update on how your life is going. The Father does not just want to get an occasional call from his children. God desires deep, significant intimacy. And in a world where we seem to be moving 100 miles an hour and multi-tasking, developing that kind of intimate relationship is extremely challenging, if not impossible.
In addition, the saturation of marketing as a part of our society has created an environment where almost everything is measured on a surface level. Magazines spend hours perfecting their cover photo. People pay thousands of dollars to have surgery so they can look a few years younger. The label on clothing seems to be more important that the person inside the clothes. We are told over and over again that our value is determined by what car we drive, what pants we wear, what we drink, and a variety of other products that will make us the best person possible.
We have to be careful. This is the same attitude that led to things such as Hitler’s campaigns of euthanasia and genocide. I am not saying that we are all headed for mass murder, but when we determine someone’s worth based on their appearance, we are focusing on the wrong thing. The reality is that things haven’t changed much, even after thousands of years. God told the prophet Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7) While this has always been a struggle for people, our societies overwhelming focus on the surface has made it even harder to listen to and live according to the words spoken to Samuel.
The third leg of this stool is the immense sexualization of nearly everything. It’s nearly impossible to watch TV, listen to music, or even walk down the hallways of a school and not be overwhelmed by the ways in which sexuality is shaping our society. A recent study determined that “92% of the 174 songs that made it into the Top Ten in 2009 contained one or more reproductive messages, with an average of 10.49 reproductive phrases per song.” Sexuality is everywhere and almost nothing is off-limits anymore. I am not trying to be a prude, but this kind of exposure can be destructive emotional, socially, and spirituality.
Our society is teaching us to pursue immediate gratification. This onslaught of messages for cheap and easy intimacy is welcome news to a generation starving for attention, affection, and acceptance. Like a child raised on Cheetos and candy bars, this steady diet of a message that teaches short-term, immediate satisfaction develops a habit of “consuming” whatever brings happiness at the moment, regardless of the long-term “nutritional value.” The very “solution” to loneliness that our society parades before us is actually making things worse.
So into the midst of this mess steps the pastor. She brings a message that is contrary to the one the world is screaming out. As voice after voice cries out in anguish, grasping whatever quick fix is available, the pastor seeks to share a message that brings true salvation, but also requires real intimacy.
People ask me all of the time why so many young people are leaving the church. I could probably list off dozens of reasons, but the scenario listed above would probably be at the top of the list. When we swim in water that is polluted with shallow relationships, surface assessments, and a sexualized view of most everything, we are sure to get sick.
So what does the pastor do?
Does he ignore everything around him and cluster his people in a bunker? No. We are called to be salt and light to the world. We cannot hide our light under a bushel.
Does she embrace the world and simply deliver the message of God by dressing it up in the clothing the society offers? No. What good is a salt that has lost it’s saltiness?
The pastor must start by examining his own heart and mind. While he cannot dictate how everyone else should live, the pastor can dictate how he lives. He must set expectations and standards for himself that allow him to maintain his saltiness and shine his light. This will not look identical for every pastor, but the principles cannot be ignored.
Then the pastor must live her life in a way that reflects the light of Christ. She will not be perfect, but she must pursue perfection. Without judging others, she must present her life as a living sacrifice that embodies the character of God. When she does this, the light will expose the darkness in her midst, both in the lives of others and (here is the scariest part) herself.
This is not an easy journey or calling. Being a pastor is an immense blessing, but it also carries significant challenges. As I wrestle with all of the questions raised by the challenges above, I don’t have all of the answers. But I will, in the words of Paul, “press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.” (Philippians 3:12)
shine!
Jason